Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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