do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
