i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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