i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
