I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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