Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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