i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
