So drunk its hurt
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
