John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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