apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
