just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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