THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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