id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
