I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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