can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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