Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
