I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
