Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
How naked do you want me to be?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
