...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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