I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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