Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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