I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
