who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
