I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
it's like iHOP with fire
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
