I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Holy shit dude........stairs
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
