I think I am morally bankrupt
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
