walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
jump out the window naked night went bad
So here I am, sexting at work.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
