whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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