Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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