I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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