the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
