I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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