you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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