College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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