Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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