What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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