Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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