Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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