So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
