dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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