If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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