How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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