Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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