No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
