You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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