I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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