ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
