I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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