I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
