make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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