You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
