Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
