it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
