I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
